34.

take home the underthings and shoes so that the basic essent- ials were always at hand. Once it was a perfectly plain little blue frock--much better because it lacked juvinile frills. Another time it was a plain blue wool skirt, white blouse and grey cardigan. Sweaters and skirts, knowing no age, were the most becoming. In fact the last time, wearing the blue skirt and grey cardigan, I looked so nice I felt quite proud of my self and for once forgot all about the "sissy" business.

During that week I went outside whenever I could but in my own clothes. I jammed the long hair under a hat, but was still so concerned about it that I kept to myself. This little freedom was heavenly though and I couldn't keep from it.

One unnerving experience I had during that week happened the day I was wearing the red plaid skirt and the pullover Patsy and her Mother left late and I didn't have time to change clothes as usual. So in complete feminine attire 1 was help- ing Mother when the doctor unexpectedly arrived, I was simply terrified, so much so that I didn't at the time realize that he didn't recognize me at all. When Mother revealed the decep- tion he laughed heartily and kept chuckling all through the horribly revealing undressing required and the examination As I look back at it I am sure he was laughing at the joke play- ed on him and not at me, but I writhed, vowing never again.

The vow did me little good for the next day saw the ad- vent of the blue skirt and grey cardigan, and, as I said, I looked so nice I momentarily forgot all about the vow. After that though I kept it, refusing Patsy's requets and her Mother's offer of another dress to try, and constantly begging Mother for a haircut. I made myself such a nuisance with my repeated requests that she finally consented, telling me to my joy that I could get one the next day · Then that night when I was 80 eagerly looking forward to my return to normal qtandards, the blow fell. The doctor arrived on one of his regular visits, twitted me considerably about my clothing the previous time, and then started his checkup. When he came to my heart he listened interminably, and finally, with a grave face announced it was showing some damage. I felt low--prospects of school at any forseeable time were utterly gone. I must stay in bed more and when up be very quiet. All the things I hated so